Where have you been?

The answer seems like EVERYWHERE!

My sister, Karen and her dog, Louie came for a visit last week. They arrived Friday and we cancelled our planned outing to Meijer Gardens. Though I would have enjoyed taking the Nikon there, it was pretty warm/humid, I didn't mind. We spent most of the day on the patio chatting away. I really enjoyed that time with her. My niece, Liz (#1, Cindy's daughter) came up in the afternoon and we all swam in the pool, made drinks and ordered pizza. Really, it was a just a great day.

Saturday, Aunt Karen came with us to the West Michigan Fly-in at our little airport. I don't know how to explain this...event? It starts at 8AM with a pancake breakfast (open to the public) and the first 50 pilots to land get a free breakfast. The pilot's association gives free rides to kids ages 8-17 and they do have some really cool planes there on display - we saw a 1917 WWI biplane (see Flickr) and quite a few others. Basically, we just sat on a blanket in the grass and watched planes take off, taxi, and land over and over. They had the skydivers going, and of course, Bruce and the Allegan Fire District were on hand. (I've been meaning to share this video. In the stills of the firetrucks, with the three guys, the one in the middle - is Jacob's Shaun). Again, see Flickr for some great pics of the skydivers WITH the firetrucks and a bunch of the planes!

Saturday was also the first day of Jeremy's vacation and after the Fly-in, we swam in the pool again while Aunt Karen went up to GR to meet her daughter for dinner. BTW - she brought back some wonderful Chinese and we will SO be going there for dinner some day soon. No worries, it's not a buffet!

Work has been crazy insane for me. At one count I had 62 open purchases. Meaning 62 purchase orders to create/process. It's been at least a year since I've had that many open at once. Now also keep in mind, open purchases are still coming in. It seems for everyone I closed, I received an open. I left yesterday with at least 30 open. I did see Ford topped sales this past month or quarter - I can't remember. I can't tell you much but, I can tell you that is a VERY good thing for my company going forward!

Which leads me to today. I have a vacation day today, a holiday tomorrow - which we're going to the July 3 Jubilee downtown Allegan. There will be a parade, concessions and a bunch of free kiddie stuff to do with fireworks tomorrow night. Again, this little city amazes me!

The 4th, we leave for Manistee in the early AM. The parade starts at 10AM so we're heading straight to Grandma Dor's (my brother-in-law Mike's mom) to meet Aunt Karen, Uncle Mike, my nephew Chris (policeman), his girlfriend, Ashton (whom I haven't met) and my niece, Jill. We'll watch the parade with Grandma - she lives on the parade route so we have access to the pottie, etc. and then head to Karen's for her annual cookout after the parade. Mmmm...fantastic!

So...I'll be back after the 4th, after I file for my unemployment for the week. I'm sure I'll have some great pictures for you and probably some good Jacobisms too.

Have a safe and happy 4th of July!

Milestones

This past year 2008/2009 has sure presented it's challenges. And, I'm sorry I've been such a roller coaster. I have a couple more dips to get through...though I can't promise it'll all be sunshine and roses on the other side as I'm sure I'll fall in the shit more times than we can count but, I wouldn't be the same old stubborn me if I didn't. I'm just looking to getting out from under this cloud of grief that keeps chasing me.

I have some great milestones that I keep - Jacob's first laugh, his first steps, his first word, all those things from his first year, they're all written down in his baby book. Jeremy and I are always talking about how much progress Jacob has made in his speech and development. Even the SPD (sensory processing disorder) has seemed to calm down. So many great milestones for him and they're all wonderful memories. His 4th birthday is creeping up and we'll make even more.

Jeremy and I had our 7 year anniversary this past year. 8 years since we met. I'm looking forward to 10 years coming up too.

I have these other milestones though. Milestones that I don't have to write down for they keep haunting me and kicking me in the ass. I don't like them. I don't like the thought that soon - 10 years will have passed since the last time I saw my father's smile. I don't like knowing that will soon be 10 years ago when I sat in my friend Joe's parent's kitchen listening to the details of his suicide. It's incredibly sad that 25 years have passed since the morning I last spoke to my sister. I look at my life and I think of everything these people are missing. Then I wonder if they're truly missing it or are they here beside me, pushing me through the rough spots. Sometimes, I wonder if I'm just afraid I'll forget them. (You know - I was typing about Joe and I got this strange warm feeling on the side of my leg, like when someone is sitting right up next to you. I'm sitting at my desk, in my cubicle, alone, and it's almost cold in here. I often get that feeling when I think of him - and ALWAYS if I have a dream about him and only in my right leg!)

I have experienced so much loss and I've always tried to be strong, to not make grief a visible part of me. I tell Jeremy all the time, that unless you have experienced loss and grief you cannot comprehend it. It's hard. It's the hardest thing I have ever done - ever experienced. It's hard enough to manage through it when it happens and when these milestones come around it's as if you're grieving the loss all over again.

I mostly wanted to thank you guys (I can't say 'and ladies' it sounds too corny) for being here. I want you to know that I consider myself blessed to have connected with each of you. I'm always thankful you're here to share a laugh or a tear - sometimes a tear brought by a laugh. Thanks for helping me through all of these milestones. I appreciate you more than you'll ever know!

Happy Father's Day/Happy Birthday!

I didn't want to celebrate birthday #36. Jeremy, Jacob, and I are having a nice dinner later tonight (T-bone steaks and king crab legs) with a cake that Jeremy and Jacob baked for me. I've cried a lot on the way here. I knew coming in that today was going to be tough. I knew I didn't want to share this day outside of my home. As I get older, I want to share it less and less. I'm content to stay home, have my birthday with my family and let Jeremy have his day as Jacob's dad, while I remember, and I can cry the tears I have and miss my father.

My dad and I always enjoyed having my birthday and Father's Day so close together but we both thought it extra special when it worked out on the same day (like this year) so we could share the day. I'd go to visit him for Father's Day and I'd peek around the door frame and call out "Happy Father's Day!" and his eyes would sparkle and he'd give me his biggest, deepest dimple smile with his laugh, and he'd call back "And Happy Birthday!" I remember his smile and I can still hear his voice. Some years, my sister Karen and her kids would meet Dad and I with a cake. Some years, he'd just fill me in on who had called or come to visit. I loved sharing that time with my dad.

My dad had the BEST smile. You could always see it start. First a tiny spark - really, you could see the flash - that turned to a little twinkle in his deep brown eyes. Then his dimples would get deeper. Those dimples - he had the deepest dimples I have ever seen. They were always there though - even if he wasn't smiling. Finally, one side would pull up, then the other and there it was. He always tried to hold back a laugh when he smiled. I find that I do the same thing.

My dad was always SO proud of his kids. When I'd visit, and the nurse would come to check him or someone would pop in to say hello, my dad's eyes would get that sparkle, the corners of his mouth would turn again as he began to smile and he'd say "This is the baby, here's #6, or this is Gail Ann." It was always one of the three, hmm, sometimes all three.

It was hard for me to have a relationship with my dad. I never knew him when he wasn't sick. He left home when I was 8. It was a very complicated situation and I was always disappointed that he never explained or talked to me about it though I do understand why it was the way it was. I spent many years torn between my dad and Edna - not knowing what to believe. Every child wants to trust and believe in their mother...and their father.

It's hard to lose a parent. I was only 26 when I lost my dad. I was still learning who I was, how I was and where I was, and I still had so much growing up to do. He was gone before I knew how sentimental I am and how much my family means to me. I have a lot of guilt for not spending more time with my dad. I wish a lot of things would have been different. Now he's gone and it's too late. I can't change it, I can't undo it, nor can I get the time back.

Happy Father's Day, Dad. We sure miss you today.

100 Random Things about Me

After all, the name of this place is Random Thoughts and I LOVE these goofy things...how appropriate. Some you may know - some you may not and they are in no special order.

1. I have a freakishly long 2nd toe. I mean freakishly long. Like people stare at it.


2. I HATE to go barefoot. Not only because of the toe - I hate the little rocks and stuff.


3. I don't like food on my plate to touch. I'll still eat it, but I prefer it not to touch.


4. I don't like nuts in things. I prefer them by themselves.


5. I had an imaginary friend that lived in a tree. His name was Brian A*. (I can't tell you his last name as that person does truly exist and I do know him now but, I didn't when he was my 'friend'.)


6. My Grandfather (Edna's Dad) was once a personal body guard for Henry Ford. My dad's dad was a mailman.
   
7. I believe in ghosts. I have never seen a ghost.


8. I'm afraid of the dark.


9. I have been engaged thrice, married once.


10. Once when Edna and I spent the night at her parents, the bed broke and we crashed to the floor.


11. I get sick if I eat Chinese buffet. I can eat Chinese just not from the buffet.


12. I never met my father's parents.
    
13. I HATE summer! Yes, I like the snow.


14. I lived in the same house from birth until I was 21. Edna still lives there.


15. I had an imaginary black cat, named Maude that I used to 'kick' out our slider door.


16. My favorite color is butter yellow.


17. I only like movies that could really happen.


18. I don't like slapstick funny movies or shows.


19. I have never watched an entire episode of SNL. Nope, not even one.


20. I still have the birth certificate from my Cabbage Patch Kid and I still have the doll. Bessie Clarice.


21. Pizza is my favorite. I like most everything on pizza. I don't like fish on pizza or specialty pizza - i.e. taco pizza.


22. I do like BBQ Chicken Pizza.


23. I'm learning to like fish.


24. I do not like Mexican Food. It's too bland. (tacos or enchiladas are an exception)


25. My first ever 'boyfriend' was named Jeremy.


26. I have eaten goat.


27. I have eaten turtle.


28. I have eaten snails.


29. I don't care to bake it's too precise.


30. I'm afraid of thunderstorms.


31. I would kill for anything made with rhubarb! Really, I would.


32. Cherries are another fave.


33. I used to eat celery stuffed with white bread with BBQ sauce on it. I don't anymore.


34. Jacob is named after the guy who introduced Jeremy and I.


35. Jeremy and I met on a blind date.


36. I can wiggle my ears.


37. I always watch the washing machine fill up for my first load of laundry - I don't know why.


38. I was 9lbs. 15 1/2 oz. and 22 inches when I was born.


39. I drink pickle juice.


40. My sister-in-law (and sometimes my sisters) save the black olives off of relish trays for me at family dinners. They put them in little baggies for me to take home.


41. My sister-in-law (brother's wife) has been my sister-in-law longer than she hasn't. And both of my brother-in-laws have been brother-in-laws longer than they haven't. Actually, I remember Cindy before she met Ron but, I don't remember Karen without Mike.


42. I cannot dance. At all. I don't try.


43. I don't like the smell after it rains. It smells like dead worms.


44. I don't wear nail polish.


45. I have only painted my toenails 1 time!


46. I don't eat pizza crust or pie crust - bread butts either!


47. Edna wanted to name me Beth.


48. I once fell off a horse - slid right off - down his butt and landed in the middle of my Grandma's road. My sister Valerie soon followed a little further down the same road.


49. I was a cheerleader in either 5th or 6th grade.


50. My earliest memory is eating the sugar Snoopy off of my first birthday cake.


51. I collect nostalgic tins - like old candy tins.


52. I have worked for the same company for 13 years.


53. White Chocolate Peppermint Mocha is my favorite Starbucks.


54. I rarely wear sandals. Partly the long toe thing, mostly I just don't like them.


55. I didn't want to change my last name when I got married. I liked my old name.


56. I can crochet - even the lacy doilies, but I cannot knit.


57. I can do counted cross-stitch too.


58. I kept every card and letter from my friend Emily.
    
59. I have 5 email addresses.


60. I only wear Nike sneakers.


61. My left ear is pierced 5 times. The right only 2.


62. I have no interest in hockey.


63. I'm a yellow gold jewelry wearer. I can't wear fake though. I break out.


64. My favorite sandwich is a turkey Reuben.


65. I don't typically order something new at a restaurant for fear I won't like it.


66. I am not a pack-rat.


67. Jeremy and I were married at 10:00 on a Tuesday morning.


68. After getting married, we went snorkeling.


69. I'm terrified of heights but, I enjoy flying in an airplane.


70. I have been out on the Pacific Ocean in a U.S. Coast Guard RHI and out on Lake Michigan in a U.S. Coast Guard 24 footer - just for fun.


71. I have been inside the lighthouse in Manistee and all the way to the top.


72. I refuse to take a cruise. I'm haunted by the RMS Titanic.


73. I'm very interested in the Titanic and the S.S. Edmund Fitzgerald.


74. I have crossed Lake Michigan on the S.S. Badger and I threw up while boarding. It's kinda high and those steps are on the outside.


75. I have never had a surgery.


76. I have never broken a bone.


77. I have a perma bruise on the bridge of my nose that shows up when I'm tired. I got hit really hard by an accidental elbow - but it wasn't broken.


78. My ears turn bright red when I'm angry.


79. I stammer when I have something I really exciting I want to say.


80. I cannot say bench or goose correctly. I say binch and geewse.


81. I don't like chocolate birthday cake.


82. My cousin once tried to drown me in Perch Lake - down the road from my Grandma's.


83. I say 'soda' but write 'pop'.


84. I prefer Pepsi to Coke, Diet Coke to Diet Pepsi and I like either/or if Cherry.


85. I disliked my friend Jeannie over throwing some ice. That was 15 years ago!


86. I have a bad habit of licking my lips so they're constantly chapped. I've always had this habit.


87. I have 2 tattoos.


88. I spend almost $1,000,000.00 every month. Sometimes more, sometimes less.


89. Bert and Ernie from Sesame Street, I called them Ert & Bernie when I was little.


90. I wear a size 10 shoe. That's the only size I'm telling you.


91. I have had glasses since 4th grade. Contact lenses since 9th grade. And I can't see anything without either of them.


92. When driving, I always plan my route so I don't backtrack and to minimize left turns.


93. I had 3 turtles that lived in a tub under our deck. Their names were Henry, Herman, and Todd.


94. I watched a mommy cow deliver a calf. I got to name the calf. I called him Mikey.


95. Asparagus is my favorite vegetable.


96. I like cranberry sauce as opposed to gravy on my turkey or chicken.


97. Salt & Vinegar are my favorite chips.


98. I have a little German blood...I love me some sauerkraut.


99. I don't like roller coasters.


100. I believe that Ketchup is it's own food group.

Whew! Have a great weekend!

Mystery Solved!

On my front porch, I have some flowerpots with a spike, some pansies, and another little flower. The other night, I was talking to Jeremy and he asked me who squashed my flowers on the left of the porch. He said the spike was bent and all the flowers were flat. I went out and looked and sure enough, everything was flattened and broken off. It looked like someone had sat on the pot (haha).

Now, last winter, our new neighbor admitted to the other neighbor that he'd had a little trouble finding his way home in a drunken stupor and spent part of the early morning hours sitting on our front porch. I thought, for certain he'd had a repeat performance.

I watered my poor squished plants and they were just starting to perk up again.

Jeremy called me at work and said he'd found out what happened to my plants.

He walked out the front door and there was my sweet Jacob with a broom, beating my flowerpot like an old rug.

Those perky plants - are now flat again...